is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
