don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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