i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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