Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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