i just wanna soil my oats bro
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
