I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
