Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
