this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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