meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
