well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
