My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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