Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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