dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
