I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
