one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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