dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
