Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
