I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Randomize
