I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
