I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
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