OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
It's Friday. Sex?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
