I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I smell stomach acid.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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