Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
