i just made my gag reflex go away.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
