U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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