I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
