So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
