My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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