Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
