VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I just want nice things and good sex
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
