i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
