I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
