I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
