i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Randomize
