We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
