I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
