I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
