Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I just found a bag of teeth...
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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