i just had sex bonerless
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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