get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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