I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
