FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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