My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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