So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
