last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
