He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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