A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
i need some magic done to my vagina
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
