My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
