wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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