***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
