she looked like the before picture.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
