Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
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