Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
